How to Control Anger

Anger is a very common problem of human beings all over the world.

We all get angry at some point in time in our day to day life due to various reasons or due to certain unavoidable situations, at work or at home.

As we all know that anger is not good for us, whether it's for our health or for our relationships in life.

Anger keeps on eating us from inside, create negative thoughts and unknowingly we end up loosing things which used to give us happiness once and which should have been stayed with us for rest of our lives.

BUT TODAY YOU WILL GET A SOLUTION TO THIS MOST COMMON PROBLEM OF EVERY HUMAN BEING !!!!!

What if I say we don’t get angry.

What if I say we willingly and knowingly want to show our anger.

Anger is not like Toilet. 

If we feel like going to the washroom, then we have to go, we may hold it for a bit but ultimately we have to do it. No one in this world have control over it.

But Anger is not the same. Anger is like a Dance.

If we want to dance then we will dance, we will dance for hours, we will dance every day. But if we do not want to dance then we won't dance, we will never dance.

I will give you two real life examples, which you can all relate to, and also it will help you to understand what I really want to say.

Example No. 1

I am sure many of you do Jobs.

And at some point in time you may have experienced that you were scolded by your boss because of no reason. 

May be your boss's mood was off due to his own personal problems and unfortunately you became the victim of his anger without being at fault.

I am sure many of you face this issue at work on a regular basis.

Now think, when it happens... then in such situations what do we do?

Do we go and start hitting our boss???

Or do we point out finger to our boss and say that this should not happen ever after again???

I am sure nobody does that. Isn't ???

Rather, we stand quitely and listen to his words no matter how harsh it may be.

Now...Example No. 2

I am sure many of you are married and have kids.

Now you are at home, relaxing and watching Tv and your younger kid suddenly comes to you and starts crying and keep on saying that "Brother has hit me, Brother has hit me, Brother has hit me,". 

In such situation what do we do??

Generally we go and take out our boss's anger and all of our frustration on the Elder kid, without realizing whether he is really at fault or not, may be the younger kid was lying.

I am sure many of you are the youngest amongst your brothers and sisters and must have blamed your elder brother or sister for your faults when you were kids, and unfortunately they ended up getting the bashing instead :-) :-) :-)

But without realizing and without understanding that the elder kid is really at fault, we take out all our anger on him, we threaten him that this should not repeat again, and at times if we are too angry we end up slapping the elder kid.

 Now think properly and observe both the situations very carefully, you will get to know and will understand that you do not get angry, you willingly show your anger.

In the first situation you are extremely getting angry from inside, but you are unable to express even one bit of anger, because if you do so, then it will be your loss. Because you know very well that if you react and express your anger then you are completely gone, your job will be at stake, how would you pay your house rent/house installments, how would you pay your bills, how would you pay kid's school fees.  So what did you do?? 

You willingly choose not to express your anger.

On the other hand, we know it’s a small kid, there is no loss, even if we hit him where will he go. He will not leave the house and go, he will not hit me in return, he will not abuse me, rather he will get scared.

So the moral of the story is….

We willingly show our anger where we know we are not at loss, and we willingly choose not show our anger where we know we will be at loss and we stand quitely.

It is our habbit, it has become our habbit to behave this way, and if we want to change this habbit of ours then first and foremost thing that we have to do is to accept and take the full responsibility of the fact that “We willingly show our anger”.

There is no harm in taking this responsibility and we have to realize ourselves that “I don’t get angry, I willingly show my anger” Once we realize and understand this logic behind anger, we will have control in our hand and once we start controlling our anger then it will be very easy for us to decide what we suppose to do in situations like these, whether we should show our anger or not.

Now many of you will be having this question, how do we do it???

How do we decide where to control our anger???

First of all we need to understand how our mind works. And we all know anger is a type of feeling. So, when we get angry we get a feeling in our mind and without realizing we react based on our past knowledge and experience. May be in the past, 9 out of 10 times you may have reacted in the same way with your elder kid and hence doing the same in the 10^th time as well.

Therefore, we need to create a gap of awareness and alertness between this feeling and reaction, just of few seconds. We have to make a commitment to ourselves that we will not react immidiately as soon as we get angry. We will react but after couple of seconds, and this gap or this state of mind is also known as “State of Infinite Possibilities”. This is the only state where you are not doing anything, your are just sitting and watching all your feelings, thoughts and problems.

When you have full control in your hand, then it is on you whether to react according to your feeling without realizing or understanding the situation, or, to act wisely according to the situation and understanding the root cause of issue. We have to stablize our mind and add patience to it. Unless our mind is not stablized and if we don’t have enough patience even when we are angry, we will keep on doing the same mistake again and again and will never be able to control our anger.